Why You Shouldn’t Paint Furniture . . . if you have OCD Tendencies

I’m gonna let you in on a little known fact – when you paint wood furniture, there are evil forces out there. Evil, I tell you. Flies, fuzzies, pet hair, gnats, latex paint goobers.

It’s enough to drive a sane person crazy. But if you already have OCD tendencies? Forget about it.

So here’s the deal – my cherry blossom mural clients bought this beautiful Pottery Barn bookcase and asked me to paint it to match the rest of the room.

“No problem,” I told them. A blush pink basecoat . . .

a few peonies and sprigs of lavender . . .

maybe a rosebud or two . . .

. . . and some gold pin-striping to match the crib and mural.

No problem.

Right.

I was armed and ready.

Well-protected against the paint nasties, secluded in my workshop. Fly-swatter. Check. No dog hair and fuzzies floating around. Check. A door that closes. Check.

But another type of paint nasty snuck in the shop when I wasn’t looking, an undeniably dark, evil force . . .

My Mind. That part of me that obsesses about satiny, smooth paint finishes and and compulses about crisp, clean pin stripes. {No, compulses is not a word. Just go with it. Please? I’m in a vulnerable state here.}

The reason that I rarely paint wood furniture.

The Mind was silent at first. All through the first basecoat of blush pink applied with a foam roller. The peace and quiet that comes with transforming simple white into pink sweetness.

Ahhh. “I love my job. Life is wonderful. I’m gonna go get my brand-spankin’-new Purdy trim brush for the 2nd coat of this sweet blush.”

Aaargh. Why is the brush dragging? It’s not too hot. The paint is fresh. The brush is new. Why is it dragging?

Blech. Wood! Why is painting wood always a pain in the butt? Wait a minute. Didn’t I just read something about painting wood?

I did! Kate @ Centsational Girl recommends using Floetrol when she paints wood. I have Floetrol. I love Floetrol. It’s an old and steadfast friend of mine.

Awww. Much better now. Fluidity. Movement.

Aaack – a latex goober! And another! And what’s this? A loose hair from my brand-spankin’-new $15 Purdy?

The dark forces are closing in and leading the charge is the nearly-obsessive Mind. And now I gotta paint teensie-weensie gold pinstripes inside the bevels? Like between 1/8” and 1/4” pinstripes?

I took a deep breath. Then another. Then I went outside, shut the shop door, and took a walk.

When I came back in, free of eebie-jeebies, I taped off a few sections of the bevels.

The key to painting fine lines is having the perfect-sized brush.

I painted the first coat with a warm brown for better coverage.

Then went over it with gold metallic.

I got this! No more evil forces when painting furniture!

Okay, so a fly was buzzing around, landing smack dab in the still-wet parts, but he’s been sent to greener pastures. And, yes, there are a few paint blurbs on corners that I sanded off. But, I can do this and not have a total melt-down!

Um, I spoke too soon.

Don’t believe me?

Yeah – check this out. Okay, so it is magnified a bit. Which reminds me, I need to get some stronger old lady glasses for the rest of these stripes.

Before I totally lost it, I grabbed a damp cloth and ran it on the over-paint.

This is not boding well for the rest of the stripes that need to be painted. Maybe it’ll look better after I paint some flowers on the sides. Maybe you won’t notice the bumpy stripes.

But I will. I could paint them all pink and forget about the stripes.

No, I want it to coordinate with the crib. And the frames! Dang! I almost forgot about the antique gold frames I painted.

Forget about the stripes. The pink with the flowers will be fine.

Fine isn’t good enough. The antique gold pinstripes will be perfect in that room.

Um, excuse me while I take a deep breath, and a walk, shake off the eebie-jeebies, and show the Mind who’s boss, okay?

Tune in later this week for another episode of Journey to the Dark Side of the Mind. Tomorrow I’m painting a trey ceiling. A wall! A lovely, textured, bumpy wall! Hallelujah!