When I finished my last Halloween craft for this year, I looked around my workshop and thought, “What’s next?”
Fall? Christmas?
And then the nasty question that’s filled my head since my husband passed popped up.
What am I supposed to do now?
But this time it was different. This time I had an answer instead of a big, dark, empty hole.
This time I heard, It’s time to start rebuilding. Actually, it’s past time, according to my bank account. I just wasn’t ready before this. I’m not really sure I’m ready now.
What is she talking about?
I’m talking about painting. Not paint projects for the blog. I’ve been doing those for a while. I’m talking about painting something for sale. You know, grown up stuff. A business. Or something like that.
eeek. Even the mere thought of marketing my art gives me the willies. Yes, I’ve done it before. I mean, I’ve been painting for nearly 17 years. But I always had Marlon in my corner, helping, supporting, nudging me a long.
This time I’m flying solo.
Except for you guys. 
. (It is appreciated, just so you know.)
It’s just . . . time. Time to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. (yes, I’m that old. If you don’t know the song then you’re not that old.)
It’s not just the money. Well, ok, money is a big part of it. I do like to eat. And buy toys for the grandson. And visit the dollar store. But people work for more than just a paycheck, don’t they? Accomplishment. Productivity. Self worth. And dare I say, confidence? Yeah, those last two there are where I always relied upon my husband.
I still do. Would it shock you if I said I talk to him? Like . . . a lot. Sometimes I even hear him. Like right now, as I hesitate leaving these words on the screen, I hear him saying, “Yes, you need to say that. Someone needs to hear it.” Ok, Honey. There, I said it.
Anyway, I’m picking up the paintings I never finished, trying to decide if they’re worth the effort to finish. I’m a good starter but not so good of a finisher. The painting up there ^^^, that pink rose topiary, was meant to be one of a series.
You’re supposed to paint series of things.
I don’t know why. I don’t know who told me that. But it’s just what you’re supposed to do. Seventeen years later, I’m giving it a try.
Then I painted this pink rose topiary, sans birdies. I still need to add them but I don’t know where to put them now.
And finally, this guy. This is the one I worked on this weekend. I whitewashed the pink stripes because the pink was too pink, then added the pink roses, looked at it, and tried to figure out where to put the birds on this one too.
This was supposed to be my series. Three similar, yet different, paintings.
Now I remember why I quit painting them. Just kidding. (not really)
I’ll finish them this week and then start reproducing them on Zazzle. I like Zazzle because people who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) pay for an original can still have one of my paintings. I like that a lot so I’ll be adding a lot of paintings to Zazzle.
Now that I’m trying to be a grown up, I mean.
People ask me if I’m putting my paintings on Etsy. *sigh. I know a lot of people have had success with Etsy. I know that. But I also know I need some lower priced items on there.
Don’t I? Or is that just me? Probably is. At any rate, I have a ton of paintables waiting to be refinished, and they’ll wind up on Etsy.
Like little white angels . . .
That I repaint to be african-american.
In pretty pearl pink dresses.
I love painting these guys. Oh, they take forEVER, so there’s basically no profit in them. Not smart business, but a lot of fun.
Kinda like blogging 
.
No, that’s not true. Blogging is very smart business. For me, at least. Blogging has kept me sane when I thought I’d lose my mind. Blogging has brought me friends from far and wide that care more than many family members. Blogging has brought me the self-worth and confidence that Marlon used to give me.
I might be rebuilding, but I’m taking you all along for the ride.
Are you ready?
Colleen
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