I think it’s fair to say that most little girls are under the assumption that when they grow up they’ll have children if they choose to. For some of us though, that dream turns into a nightmare known as Infertility.
I chose to share My Story – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 – here as a prelude to when I became a mother to my husband’s three sons. Now, 21 years later, I sometimes wonder if I would’ve done things differently. After sharing my story with you I realize I wouldn’t have. I yearned for a family, my own family. And eventually I had it – just not in the way I ever could’ve imagined.
What follows is Part 4 of Becoming a Mother, but certainly not the final part –
“You have two more cysts, honey, and they’re gonna have to come out,” Dr. Bargman told me, shaking loose any of the prior feelings of eagerness I’d had, anticipating that we were finally ready to get pregnant.
No, even after that horrid surgery, and that horrid medicine, and those horrid side effects, in less than 6 months I had two more endometrial cysts. They weren’t huge so this time we were able to take our time and schedule them. And this time the surgery and recovery were much smoother and easier. Maybe because I knew what to expect?
What I didn’t expect was how the road of my life would twist and turn after that first surgery. And not being able to conceive my own child.
If I hadn’t had that first surgery, I wouldn’t have gone to the hospital pharmacy, which was right next to Personnel, and applied for a job.
If I hadn’t gotten that job with the hospital I wouldn’t have known all the hospital employees and gotten red jello instead of green after my 2nd surgery. (this has absolutely nothing to do with the story, I know.)
If I didn’t have that 2nd surgery, my husband wouldn’t have had his surgery.
If he hadn’t had his surgery and we hadn’t explored every.single.option for conceiving, we wouldn’t have known it was time to end our marriage when there was nothing further to do.
If we hadn’t ended our marriage I would’ve never met and fell in love with that other doctor who eventually broke my heart.
If my heart hadn’t been broken I would’ve never started taking dance classes, which became my true Life’s Passion.
If I hadn’t started dancing, my car would’ve never gotten totaled while parked at the dance studio.
If my car hadn’t been totaled I wouldn’t have needed a new one and been forced to go to the car dealership.
If I hadn’t gone to the car dealership I never would’ve met that hunk of a car salesman.
If I hadn’t met that car salesman, I never would’ve met the true Love of My Life.
If I hadn’t met the true Love of My Life he never would’ve come to me after 3 months and said, “The boys’ mother wants to know if we want them to live with us.”
If she hadn’t said that, I never would’ve been able to say Yes, Yes, Yes, I want the boys to move in with us.
Which they did, on January 1, 1992. Three boys, ages 7, 10, and 12. Three boys who barely knew me nor I, them. Three boys who by simply moving into my home totally, completely, and resolutely changed my life forevermore.
And now the ‘fun’ part of Becoming a Mother really begins.
p.s. I realize now that I never continued this series as I had intended and, for that, I’m sorry. While it’s just my story, I would like to write it because stepparenting can be a really tough road if you think you’re the only one having the feelings you’re having.